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Happy New Year! I haven't written a journal entry in awhile, which could be a good thing. It means that I have less to worry about. Although, I still catch myself daydreaming about suicide.

Anyways, I just finished "Breakfast of Champions," a novel by Kurt Vonnegut, Jr. This book is about two men: Kilgore Trout, a poor sci-fi writer who is destined to earn the Nobel Prize in medicine in the future, and Dwayne Hoover, a wealthy automobile dealership owner who goes on an insane rampage after reading one of Kilgore's books (this isn't a spoiler by the way, you know what is going to happen in the book within the first ten pages). Vonnegut takes a very unique approach when narrating this book. Vonnegut himself is an character in the book, in fact he is the Creator of the Universe and the whole book is told from his perspective because he can read the thoughts and describe the history of every character in the book. The author has two goals for this book (which he both mentions in the book): to prove that all human's are pretty much machines under the mercy of the chemicals in their head, and that their is no such a thing as a main character in real life. Towards the end of the book, Vonnegut describes in detail how the human reflex works to show how all human actions are governed by chemicals (such as hormones). About half of the entire book is used to describe in excruciating detail the lives of every character that appears in the book, showing how everyone has their own story to tell, and that there is no such a thing as a singular "hero" that the common folk are destined to obey. 

For me, "Breakfast of Champions" was a breath of comedic and artistic fresh air. I've never read anything like it. The drawings inserted by the author, the bulleted pointed paragraphs and dialogue, the fact that the author actively manipulates the characters he created, makes the novel an enjoyable read.

I want to include a quote from the book from when Vonnegut approaches Kilgore Trout (for no reason except that I liked the quote):

    "'Mr. Trout--Kilgore--' I said, 'I hold in my hand a symbol of wholeness and harmony and nourishment. It is Oriental in its simplicity, but we are American, Kilgore, and not Chinamen. We Americans require symbols which are richly colored and three-dimensional and juicy. Most of all, we hunger for symbols which have not been poisoned by great sins our nation has committed, such as slavery and genocide and criminal neglect, or by tinhorn commercial greed and cunning.
    'Look up, Mr. Trout,' I said, and I waited patiently.
'Kilgore--?'
    The old man looked up, and he had my father's wasted face when my father was a widower--when my father was an old man. 
    He saw that I held an apple in my hand."

I have now moved onto Herman Hesse's "Gertrude." I hope to read "Slaughter-House V" and "Atlas Shrugged" in the near future.
  • Listening to: Low Roar "0"
  • Reading: Gertrude
  • Watching: Hannibal
  • Playing: Bioshock
  • Eating: Nothing
  • Drinking: Water
Today, I finally finished "Let the Right One In" by John Ajvide Lindqvist, a gothic-horror novel about about Oskar, a highly disturbed child due to bullying, and his relationship with the vampire, Eli. 

Those who may be wondering, yest, this is the novel that the critically acclaimed movie of the same title is based off of. I have not seen the full feature, but I have seen a few trailers from the movie. 

To sum the book up, this novel was really "different" from horror books I've read in the past. When the "monster" of the book had human-level intelligence, usually a large focus of the story was about the monster and its interactions with the characters it meets, and its thought process during these interactions. A good example would be Mary Shelley's "Frankenstein." However, this book hardly focuses on Eli, the 220 year-old child vampire, and instead focuses on how her activities in her new habitat impact those around her. We only start to get to know her toward the final quarter of the book. 

Like many other books of the genre, I praise this book for highlighting the ugly side of humanity. Like Oskar's alcoholic father, Oskar's unstable mother, the three school bullies, the pedophile Hakan, the druggy Tommy, and the violent gang member Jimmy. Exploring the faults of these characters often makes them more "human," and more sympathetic when tragedy strikes them. Also, this emphasis on their humanity also showcases hos some people are as much as a monster of Eli. 

Now to the main character, Oskar. Mr. Lindqvist's portrayal of this troubled child made me equally concerned and horrified of him. His wish to stab his bullies to death, and the fact that he practices homicide with a stolen hunting knife and a tree paints a dark picture of his hurt psyche. Thankfully, and ironically, his friendship with Eli the vampire helps him regain confidence and step up against his oppressors. 


The buildup to the conclusion was fantastic. For me, reading this book was like watching a butterfly effect simulation unfold in front of my eyes. The presence of Eli causes a chain reaction of tragedies to unfold throughout the city of Blackeberg, and in the end, she must face the consequences of the bedlam she has caused. 

Overall: 8/10. The buildup was awesome, but the conclusion felt a little too fast. 
  • Listening to: Low Roar "0"
  • Reading: The Wild Truth
  • Watching: Nothing
  • Playing: Nothing
  • Eating: Nothing
  • Drinking: Nothing
I need to submit an ad analysis essay by midnight tonight, this is going to be a doozie.

I still don't feel much stress or motivation to alarm me of my current lethargic state. I AM going to finish the essay by midnight, but there is no sense of urgency, no fear of my grade dropping, and no remorse for the procrastination across last week.

I want to put a joke here so I can remember it (I did not make this, I got it from the Watchmen comic):

    An middle-aged, balding, disgruntled man walks into a psychiatrist's office. Says he feels all alone, that the         world is unpleasant an unforgiving, the future unpredictable and solemn. The psychiatrist says: "Easy, what         you need is something to brighten you up, make you forget your worries. The great clown Polliachi is in town,     how about you buy a ticket and watch one of his shows tonight?"

The man, full of grief, says: "But doctor, I am Polliachi."

Good joke, if you ask me.

I feel like I need a break, and by a break I mean a long break. I don't know if I can find much joy in the future. At least there's the internet, the library, and the movie theater to keep me entertained. The problem is, I don't feel much human connection. My family, is a given, because well, they are family. But, I can't feel relaxed around my father because he sometimes bursts into anger for no reason. I want to spend more time with friends, but they all live far away, and the majority of them are devout Christians. Maybe I need a girlfriend.
  • Listening to: Low Roar "0"
  • Reading: Let the Right One In
  • Watching: Nothing
  • Playing: Nothing
  • Eating: Nothing
  • Drinking: Nothing
I feel like I'm going to fall off a building one day.
I definitely don't feel like committing suicide, but I can see myself doing it in the future.
Even if I died, I wouldn't be a huge loss to anybody. 
  • Listening to: Low Roar "0"
  • Reading: Let the Right One In
  • Watching: Nothing
  • Playing: Nothing
  • Eating: Nothing
  • Drinking: Nothing
Emancipator, Really Slow Motion, Low Roar
  • Listening to: Low Roar "0"
  • Reading: Let the Right One In
  • Watching: Nothing
  • Playing: Nothing
  • Eating: Nothing
  • Drinking: Nothing
Over Thanksgiving, I and my family traveled to Lake Tahoe. We didn't do much, despite going to a destination about 10 hours away. I tried snowboarding, and practiced for about 3 hours. I was still trying to turn by the time the resort closed. I had some hot tomato basil soup the day after Thanksgiving, and that tasted way better than any dinner from Reno. My fondest memory is walking out to Lake Tahoe, alone in the snow-covered night, to find a flock of about 100 ducks resting in the cold water. It was so weird seeing so many ducks nonchalantly wading there. 

Comforted by the isolation and darkness of the midnight beach, my mind was compelled to spew out all my worries.

Anyways, I'm back at school, and honestly not much has changed. It's obvious that my parents thought that this vacation would help me from my depression, but sadly not. 

I don't have any motivation again, and I'm constantly worried about global warming, racism, genocide, disease, nuclear weapons, and the fate of humanity. 

I wish I could set my heart to rest, but that is something really hard for me.
  • Listening to: Low Roar "0"
  • Reading: Let the Right One In
  • Watching: Nothing
  • Playing: Nothing
  • Eating: Nothing
  • Drinking: Nothing
Well I'm here. Skipping class again. Maybe this is just college life?

I've started reading "Into the Wild" by John Krakaeur, will probably finish the book within the next two days. I think Krakaeur so far has done a fantastic job objectively displaying the pros and cons of the behavior of Christopher "Alex Supertramp" McCandless. Anyways Dr. Sharpee, my advisory teacher, said he would give me a book written by Chris McCandless's sister, Carinee McCandless, once he finishes reading it. A lot of people seems to be giving me books recently. 

Speaking of a lot of people, a lot of people seem to see "something" in me. I don't know what I'm doing to make them see these "somethings." They're generally positive "somethings," but I'm not sure what to make of them.
1. Lan, you have a pure soul.
2. Lan, you have a bright future.
3. Lan, when I'm around you, I don't feel threatened at all. When I'm usually around other guys, I feel a little agitated, but you're cool.
4. Lan, you are empathetic.
5. Lan, you are the smartest person I know. You go around asking people looking for flaws in yourself only to find nothing.
6. Lan, you are a wonderful young mine.

Despite these "somethings" that people see in me, I genuinely think I'm rather mediocre and unremarkable. I may be smart, but I'm not a genius. I don't consider myself hardworking. I have no real talents.

Anyways, I'm going to Lake ###########oiajioioie over thanksgiving. Its going to be a long trip to get there. I hope I can have some fun. Maybe ski or something. I kind've want to canoe do. Well, I hope I have fun.

I also recently bought "Let the Right One In," the novel that became the basis for the hit movie that I have yet to see. 
  • Listening to: Low Roar "0"
  • Reading: "Into the Wild" John Krakaeur
  • Watching: Nothing
  • Playing: Nothing
  • Eating: Nothing
  • Drinking: Nothing
I guess I'm over complaining. I mean, I have so many things the less-fortunate would literally kill for. Friends, family, education, and food.    

But I can't stop thinking that something is fundamentally wrong with everything. I'm not sure what I mean by "everything."

I've also realized that I have never truly put my trust in another person. I never have, and maybe never can open my heart fully open to anybody. I guess that's true for everyone though, we are ourselves, there is no one who can understand ourselves.
  • Listening to: Nothing
  • Reading: The Stranger by Camus
  • Watching: Nothing
  • Playing: Nothing
  • Eating: Nothing
  • Drinking: Nothing
Took the Calc iii test today. Probably blew it. For some reason I don't care.

I'm too tired to type anymore.

By the way, I finished the Stranger. Reading, it felt like it was tackling the public's expedition of how people should act in certain times, how indifferent the world is, that it doesn't matter what we believe because we die anyways, that when death is at the other side of the door we feel the most alive. I need to thank my english teacher for letting me have this book. I hope she can recommend me more.
  • Listening to: Nothing
  • Reading: The Stranger by Camus
  • Watching: Nothing
  • Playing: Nothing
  • Eating: Nothing
  • Drinking: Nothing
I kind've regret my behavior yesterday at the speech contest. I'm not 100% sure why I acted that way. I think I was still dwelling on my spiritual crisis on Friday. Also, the whole entire seemed like a big bad joke. How everyone was dressed in black suits, everything was uniform. I hated the whole thing. I hated every second. I didn't really hate the contestants though. It was so tempting to just walk up to the podium, shout "fuck it, fuck you all," and slowly walk back to my seat.                                                     

Everything seems so meaningless right now.

I should probably study for that calc test tomorrow. 

Nothing seems clear cut anymore. 

I guess everyone would just laugh these thoughts as teen angst. Its kind've sad, really.
  • Listening to: Nothing
  • Reading: The Stranger by Camus
  • Watching: Nothing
  • Playing: Nothing
  • Eating: Nothing
  • Drinking: Nothing
Last night, I went to bed at 9:14 pm (I know because I looked at the alarm clock before pulling the covers over my head. 

I usually sleep around 10:30 pm, but I felt too fatigued to stay up any longer. In fact, the crawl up the stairs to my bedroom was a challenge. I spent about 10 minutes slowly dragging myself up the 25 step staircase.

This has been continuing for the entire week. I'm not sure what to make of it.

I'm definitely not physically fatigued. I haven't exercised in two weeks. I think I'm emotionally or mentally fatigued. 

This whole entire week has just been a slow somber sludge. I moved so slow yet the week passed by so quickly.

Funny how time works.

The fact that I had a speech contest did not help either. Once a year my Saturday school has a speech contest for the high school students. 

For my speech, I first wanted to do an elaborate criticism of Japan's Prime Minister Shinzo Abe and how I think he is violating the Japanese constitution by allowing the Japanese Self-Defense Force to assist allies overseas, without public consent.

But, my teacher told me that it was too political, so I decided to do a speech about how bringing "variety" in your life will make your life more fun.

I honestly couldn't have cared less for this speech contest. I felt tired throughout the whole speech contest. It felt like a useless competition to me. I don't know why, but the whole thing felt very "off".

When I did my speech, I forgot to bow to the speech evaluators (something everyone should do if they want to appear "polite"). I didn't care. The whole world could have bowed to the speech evaluators and I wouldn't have cared.

I'm just too tired to care anymore.
  • Listening to: Nothing
  • Reading: The Stranger by Camus
  • Watching: Nothing
  • Playing: Nothing
  • Eating: Nothing
  • Drinking: Nothing
Finished Serial Experiments Lain and Nature, Man and Woman today. Both the anime and the book were great. I may review them when I feel less tired.

I want to talk about something else.
 
Today, around 11:30 am, I became tired and sort of "numb" again. A state of neither anger of sadness, pain or pleasure. It was a state of slight melancholy.

In this "numb" state, I avoid contact with others and become very introverted. Even my physical movements feel as if I was a YouTube video set to 0.5 speed. This worsened after finishing the very bitterweet ending of Serial Experiments Lain (I'm still pondering on what to make of the series). 

As I left the computer room (around 5 pm) I saw Huwedy, the office lady. She was trying to carry a portable table int her car. Being the old woman that she was, she looked like she was having some difficulty holding up the table. I, with some effort, pushed the table into the backseat of her car. 
When I asked her what she was doing with such a large table, she said she was borrowing it for a babyshower for her 5th grandson (she says another grandson is in development). Huwedy went on for about 5 minutes talking about how this grandson would be the first grandson to live near her (the rest live in San Diego), she told me how blessed she was to have 6 grandchildren.

While Huwedy continued her speech, 2#up, my 9th grade English teacher exited the school. Noticing me, 2#up said, "Hey, Lan Choly's here!" 
Huwedy responded with "He helped put this table into my car!"
2#up: "yeah, Lan does that because he is awesome!" 

It was a weird being reminded of my own "greatness" by another person. It didn't feel like I was doing much.
But I felt even more peculiar when Huwedy said how blessed she was.

I'm still trying to figure out my own spirituality, and seeing someone clearly declare their religion without a single speck of hesitance was a heart strangling sight for me.

I walked down to the pick up sight. And met two more christian friends. 

I'll write about the questions I asked them later, I'm just too tired.
  • Listening to: Nothing
  • Reading: The Stranger by Camus
  • Watching: Nothing
  • Playing: Nothing
  • Eating: Nothing
  • Drinking: Nothing
Today has probably been the best day for me in the last few months. No, I did not hold a huge party. No, I did not earn an A on a test. No, I did not get a girlfriend.

Today, my whole body remained in a tranquil relaxed state. I did not feel neither elation nor depression, just balance. It is days like these that should be celebrated! Extreme emotions have always tired me out in the end, but when I am stable, I can maintain a peaceful emotional state.

By the by, across the past two days, a number of good things have happened:

11/14/2016
1. HPpRinter, a friend/acquaintance of mine bought some boba for me, noticing that I have been arriving late to my U.S. History classes for the last month.
2. Dr. VeTo1#, my U.S. History instructor, noticed my depressed state as well, and talked with me about my troubles after class. It felt so relieving to finally open up to someone (even if I don't really know them) about the constant loneliness I feel. By the end of our 30 minute talk, I was shivering and on the verge of crying, but I felt soo relieved that there is someone who can understand what my feelings of isolation. 
3. Kent, the yard duty, told me that the project I've been doing with the community college, HyU3, will get me into the MIT and Caltech. I honestly think he thinks too highly of me, but it does feel so good that there is someone to bring back optimism in your life.

11/15/2016
1. I had about an hour alone in the house to turn off all the lights and reflect on myself, racism, and peace.
2. ITOKZ, my English teacher, gave me her copy of Albert Camus's The Stranger when I told her I was interested in reading it. I am definitely going to indulge myself in this novel once I finish Nature, Man and Woman by Alan Watts. 

These last three days have been good days.
  • Listening to: Duvet by Boa
  • Reading: Nature, Man, and Woman
  • Watching: Serial Experiments Lain, RWBY, JJBA
  • Eating: M&Ms
  • Drinking: Water
I feel lonely. Wait, no... I "feel" lonely isn't right. I "am" lonely.

I repeat, I am lonely.

If I'm not distracted by TV, friends, or family, when I am left to myself, I am lonely.

It doesn't matter if I'm riding the vacant subway trains of rural Japan,

Or if I am eating lunch by the grey wall right in front of my high school,

Or if I am reading silently in the backyard,

I unconsciously administer within my mind that I am lonely,

and so, I go into a state of melancholia.

Oh, melancholia.

Sometimes, you make me want to kill myself.

Sometimes, you turn my mind into a void.

Sometimes, you encourage me to introspect.

And I sometimes never want to leave the loneliness.
  • Listening to: Duvet by Boa
  • Reading: Nature, Man, and Woman
  • Watching: Serial Experiments Lain, RWBY, JJBA
  • Eating: M&Ms
  • Drinking: Water
Well, I'm still here.

First off, god bless Kent. I am not Christian, but there is no one who has cheered me up as Kent in my whole high school career.

My history teacher, Mr. HIZH held another meeting about the results of the election today. According to him, despite Trump's very controversial statements about race and sex, there is a high possibility that not much will change. Trump can't do anything TOO extreme because a good portion of the Republican party, including Speaker of the House Paul Ryan, hate him. I am most worried about Trump's view on the environment, for he believes that global warming is a hoax. What makes him even more alarming is that he has promised during his campaign to reinvigorate the U.S. oil and coal market, which will heavily contribute the acceleration of global warming.

We need renewable energy if we want to maintain the stability we have now.

Although our knowledge is limited, with Donald Trump as president, at best, nothing will change about America's environmental policy, and at worst, we will be ensuring humanity's demise.

I understand how people who depend on coal are worried, but for the whole of humanity, renewable energy is the only way to go. The environment is something that will continue to effect everyone's children, grand children, great grand children, and so on. If we want to ensure humanity's future for as long as possible, if we want our children to have snow Christmas, if we want to still enjoy the current global stability, renewable energy is a must.

Changing topics. I feel lonely. My loneliness made me stay up till 1 am last night watching YouTube videos. I've come to realize that people can never truly connect with one another. The inner machinations of our mind are too weird to release to the general public. It saddens me. I need sometime to think over this.
  • Listening to: Duvet by Boa
  • Reading: Nature, Man, and Woman
  • Watching: Serial Experiments Lain, RWBY, JJBA
  • Eating: M&Ms
  • Drinking: Water
1. I want things I don't have.
2. I want experiences I don't have.
3. Humanity is fucked (as a characteristic of the species and as a fact that we will all die one day)
4. It's impossible to fully connect with somebody, we all have secrets we keep to ourselves.
5. We all want a happy ending.
6. Our lives are full of varying levels of stress (from suffering of PTSD to panicking over a missing homework assignment).
7. One aspect of a happy ending is being relieved from all levels of stress.
    -I am not sure what are the other aspects yet.
8. Love and sex is humanity's closest attempt to truly connect with others.
9. We wish we are always correct.
10. Somewhere I feel lonely.
11. I want to know "the Truths" of anyone who reads this post (in other words, please reply).
12. We want security or at least the delusion of security (perhaps this is the second aspect of happiness?).
13. Humans LOVE to categorize everything.
So, I finished "A Problem from Hell" and watched "Doctor Strange" yesterday.

Doctor Strange was a good movie 8/10. The best part of the movie was the CG, the creators definitely got the psychedelic side of the comic down.

Anyways, to today. As I have stated before, I absolutely hate interacting with people in the morning in my house, be it my parents, brother, or anyone else. The morning always gives me a sense of  tranquility that I want to maintain, but my family comes down, starting the obnoxious chattering, the noisy TV, and the rambunctious sound of cooking ware. Every time I glance at the TV screen to see a commercial, a game show, or some political commentary show, it makes me sick.

Anyways, this Veterans' Day weekend kind of sucked, I am feeling depressed throughout.
Rate: 10/10 Everyone should read it. And I mean Everyone. 

Sorry if this review is short, but I just wrote a 5 paragraph review of this 500 page behemoth only for it to be deleted when I attempted to submit it because DeviantArt did not accept my title. I am too tired to type it all over again.

Author: Samatha Power. A journalist turned current America's UN ambassador who experienced genocide first hand in the War in Darfur. Shocked by the events in Darfur, Power decided to research on why multiple cases of genocide have occurred over the 20th century.

Content:
1. The Armenian, Cambodian, Iraq, and Bosnia-Serbian genocides.
2. Raphael Lemkin, the creator of the word "genocide," and the man behind the ratification of the UN Genocide Convention.
3. A number of politicians efforts to halt/prevent genocide.
4. Other politicians unwillingness to take even the slightest bit of action to halt genocide.

My thoughts: This was a very depressing book, but it was worth reading. 
(listening to beautiful crime by Tamer)

Today was a weird day. Largely due to my humongous procrastination skills, I have a lot of work to do. I have to finish 2 and a half college essay sets in a week for early action, I have a history test coming up, a meth test approaching, oh, and did I forget the government project on Monday.

I know it is all self-inflicted, but, for some reason, I don't feel that guilty. It just feels natural.

Anyways, my parents allowed me to leave Saturday school and hour early.

Math homework finished.

While on the car ride back to my house, I remembered that I was invited to attend the Hi3 college's Chancellor's Dinner for my work in the Yih89g project. It was, an interesting experience. I arrived at 5:15. A portion of the main walkway in the grass area, leading to "the Dungeon" was used for the event. 

Across the road were two tables covered in cheese and crackers, and these weren't the cheddar cheese and Ritz cracker's type. There were dairy confections of all kind: mustard-seed-filled cheese; red, creamy cheese; grape scent covered cheese, cheese curds, and basic cheeses such as cheddar. I have never seen so many cheeses on one table. There were waitresses(?) carrying around tiny dishes for the donors to pick from. I recollect eating two of them: "shrimp poppers" and "butternut squash on bread with basil." They were both pretty good. The shrimp poppers were this mini shrimp salad in side a small plastic container with a handle that you would push, like a Push Pop candy. The butternut squash on bread thingamajig tasted like cold margarita pizza. 

They had a table full of wines and ciders to drink from. Being underage, I drank some extra fizzy cranberry apple cider (although I am pretty sure I could have gotten away with a sip of wine if I tried to). The bar tenders (or whatever you would call them) were very polite.

My favorite part of the dinner had to be the live singers. They were a group of students who formed a band for a class. Their performance at the dinner was their midterm. Songs like "Fly Me to the Moon," "Happy," and "Strangers in the Night" played while rich people socialized with other rich people. I was quite anxious, and knew almost nobody their, so I just aloofly meandered back and forth across the small walkway. I eventually sat down and started a conversation with an international student from go3jib. He had come over to America to play college baseball to see if he could go into the major leagues. I hope only the best for him. He seemed like a really nice guy.

Now comes the dinner. The dinner consisted of a course of three dishes. The side dish was a cabbage salad sparsely covered with bacon, with tomatoes, celery, cheese, and bread on the side. The main dish was a delicious roast beef. Man was it soft, it felt like I was touching a baby's skin. The beef was covered with BBQ sauce and thin bread bits, and rested on top of a huge chunk of mashed potato. The desert was a orange-flavored blancmange surrounded by raspberries and blackberries. The smooth singing of the live band really added a smoothness to the already delicious dinner. At one point, the about 1/5 the crowd stood up and danced to "Happy" by Pharrell Williams.

However, amidst all the fun going around, I couldn't truly enjoy the event. IHX, the APC instructor, told me that I could go home if I felt stressed, and the lady sitting right next to me said that she could feel the stress oozing from me. It seems like I can't really enjoy anything these days. I hope I feel better once college admissions is over.
Last night, amidst the stress, I decided to not where my correctional contacts to sleep. As a result, my eyesight has deteriorated. I don't really mind. The blurry world I'm seeing right now makes the world very refreshing; it feels as if I've escaped reality into my own personal dimension. 

Another thing about last night, I went to sleep early (9 pm) hoping to get a good 8 hours of sleep. But, I only got 6 hours instead. What's wrong with me? Since I knew that I wouldn't be able to fall back to sleep, I crept into the garage with my smartphone and a headset, and watched YouTube videos for about 3 hours. Realizing that I was wasting my time, I decided to leave my garage and enjoy the tranquil morning.

After taking my dogs for a walk, I sat in the backyard and read A Problem from Hell by Samantha Power, an informative read on the genocides of the 20th century and the United States' refusal to halt the crimes against humanity until the majority of the victim population were massacred. The gory content of the book and the anger it broiled inside of me created a weird contrast with the peaceful morning. The air was cool, the birds were chirping, and the house was silent.I wished it remained that way. I've been wishing my whole city to quiet down for the past few weeks. I just want be isolated from real life. No voices, noises, or news, just me, and the silence.

But, my family had to eventually awake from their sleep. Starting with my little brother, and then my parents. My mother had work (on Veteran's Day!!), and my little brother was going to hang out with his friends at a local amusement park, so only I and my father remained in the house. Its pretty tense, being with my father. He just has a "no-chill" vibe, and you never feel relaxed when you're around him. On top of that, you do not know what small slip up will cause him to explode into a barrage of anger and shouts. He is a major source of daily stress for me, and I honestly wish I could leave the house. Sadly, my friends cancelled our plans to watch Doctor Strange today. So, I'm stuck in my house, writing college app essays. 

I don't like starting home or spending time with family. That's why I love to study after school in the school's computer lab. I don't think I'll be enjoying this Veteran's Day weekend at all.
  • Listening to: Bad Apple
  • Reading: A Problem from Hell & Kafka by the Seashore
  • Watching: Diamond is Unbreakabe & RWBY
  • Playing: Nothing
  • Eating: Whatever's in the kitchen
  • Drinking: water